I have to admit that I was nervous about being totally on my own, but so far it’s gone really well. I’m starting to develop my own strategy and am constantly in situations where I have to push myself. I’m also learning that after years of traveling to/living in various remote corners of the earth, nothing seems quite so scary. Not even surgeons. Ok, maybe sometimes

At this very moment, I am home from working all night. In fact, I am at the end of a three night stint, and am happy to have a couple of days off. But instead of sleeping I find myself reflecting on the path I walked to become a nurse and how revealing it is.

It is a joy to be around sick people. There is something refreshing and satisfying about constantly being in the middle of the messiness…even when it is painful and hard. I experience more brokenness and authenticity in the hospital than anywhere else.

I’ve only been a nurse for a short time but I already know that I will remember some of my patients for the rest of my life.

When it comes to a few, they are always on my mind. When I’m driving, when I’m eating out, when I’m shopping, when I’m smiling and greeting people at church, etc. I constantly think of them.

Although our path is not as straight as it once was, I am so glad I went through all I did to become a nurse. I’m so thankful that God gave me this opportunity and I hope that no matter where I work or in what capacity that it really will be for his glory and not my own.

Ok, I’m starting to fall asleep. More posts to come. I should show some pics of our house decorated for Christmas before the actual day itself. Here’s to hoping!

This is something that has been weighing on me for awhile. It has to do with the blogging/internet phenomenon that has quickly enveloped and defined our culture. As a 90′s kid, I remember my first encounters with the internet in the form of online chatting. E-mail became a big deal when I was in high school. Blogs first appeared when I was in college.

Back then blogs were mostly personal journals. Mine still is and always will be. My blog is nothing more than a way to update my family and friends (and I guess share an occasional thought about something). It doesn’t consume very much of my time and I don’t write on it very often. I don’t try to promote it either because I don’t really care about numbers, but I also leave it public in case an occasional former acquaintance stumbles upon it and is interested in what we’re doing.

But we all know that blogging is much more than that now. People make money off of their blogs. We all have certain bloggers we enjoy following and even look to for advice. This is especially true in the reformed Baptist world. Every big gun out there has a blog and is constantly analyzing the world through a Christian lens.

These are mostly encouraging. I say mostly because sometimes their unsolicited opinions on many hotbed issues tend to seep through. I guess that is what a blog is for (you are getting my unsolicited opinion right now). But the problem is that these opinions often come from places of authority and, dare I say it, an ivory tower perspective.

For example, I recently stumbled upon an article about gender roles by a relatively well-known seminarian. I believe in gender roles–God created men and women differently with different gifts and purposes to fulfill. However, I think we can all agree that the application of this to every specific situation in our lives may not look exactly the same for every person and every family. If you don’t agree with that please let me know in the comment section.

The author of this article didn’t mince words. He wrote all about men as sole providers, women as sole homemakers, the evils of daycare and delaying God’s ‘good gift of children.’ He used his own family as an example: how he works hard all day, comes home to a delicious meal, a spotless home and two beautiful children…and this is God’s perfect plan. All that’s missing is the dog. He and his wife look at the kids playing at the daycare across street and feel sorry for them because their lives aren’t nearly as perfect. Nice. I’m sure the mom’s of those kids would appreciate hearing his views on their sub-par parenting. Too bad they’re probably way too busy making a living to read his blog. Not everyone makes money reading and writing in a bubble.

You can sense my sarcasm and I don’t intend for it to be directed towards spotless homes, delicious meals, or beautiful kids. However, the tone of this article was very condescending and left me feeling completely condemned.

All I could think about was how Jared has to make dinner on the nights that I work. How we’ve been married for three years and we don’t have kids yet. How I’m not making homemade bread all the time or sewing curtains or plucking organic veggies from our home garden.  I was practically in tears when Jared came home because I felt like a failure.

When I told Jared about the article his response was simple, ‘I bet that guy and his wife are glad there are nurses to take care of them and their kids when they get sick.’

He has a way with words.

Then I realized, who in the h-e-double hockeysticks  world does this guy think he is? He doesn’t know anything about my life or the decisions we’ve made as far as work, kids, who takes the trash out, etc. Am I not honoring my husband? He is happy with me as a wife and doesn’t feel the least bit slighted by anything I do. And my job is to take care of sick people. Why should I feel bad about that? And when we do have kids, will we not do what is best for our family? And that might include me working or not working for awhile, I don’t know, but I do know it won’t involve looking across the street in a patronizing manner and judging what other people do.

My point is not really to debate gender roles at all, or even the specific applications, but to address the impact that blogs and the internet can have on our lives. I’ve talked with many women recently (some who do stay home and make bread with their beautiful children) who feel equally condemned because they are not crafty enough, organized enough, or talented enough to compete with what other women are doing in the blogosphere.

I even felt like I had to apologize to Jared the other night because I used alfredo sauce from the jar instead of making it from scratch.

And that is ridiculous.

Jared is helpful in walking through passages in Scripture with me that outline what it means to be a godly woman. These are always convicting, but never condemning. There are definite areas I need to grow in, but I never walk away from these passages feeling like I need to make more crafts, or that my job or lack of children right now is sinful. This is the life God has given me and my job provides the perfect opportunity to demonstrate the graceful and nurturing spirit that I’ve been given as woman. (You don’t have to point out that this post might not be the most graceful and nurturing thing I’ve written–I get that ).

So, yes, it’s helpful to read blogs but they are not the infallible word of God. In fact, sometimes they can be little more than the noise of a clanging cymbal. Let’s turn to Scripture and our own local body of believers, those who know us well, for our primary source of encouragement and admonishment.

*I do apologize if this blog came across as a clanging cymbal to anyone reading this. It was not meant to be instructional about the application of gender roles in any form or fashion*

Unfortunately, I worked three shifts in a row so I could have the entire weekend off and must have caught a bug because I came down with a nasty cold. The cold kept me from Black Friday shopping, playing football and going hiking. That was disappointing but I still had a nice time curled up by the fire eating pie, watching Star Wars, and reading The Lord of the Rings (which I finally finished!). Not a bad way to spend a holiday.

As cliche as it may sound, I am thankful for the gift of family. The older I get the more I realize what a blessing it is to have two families who love and support us the way they do. We greatly look forward to visiting both of our families and always return home refreshed and renewed. Our families also get along so well that we usually all spend Thanksgiving together (as I mentioned earlier). I have no doubt that if we all lived in the same state we’d all spend every holiday together and Jared and I would never have to choose who to visit!

True to my nature, I did not take a single picture of our Thanksgiving festivities, but everything was delicious. As holidays usually do, it all went by too fast and now it’s back to the grind.

I start working the night shift this week and will continue to do so for the month of December (until Christmas week). My first shift of the week is tonight and I’m not really sure what to do. I plan on taking a nap this afternoon before I go in, but it’s weird…like, I’m not sure what to eat. Should I eat dinner before I go in or breakfast? I already had breakfast this morning so that would be two breakfasts.

I guess I will have to figure this all out.

Jared and I began our annual advent tradition last night, the Jesse Tree readings. This is something that I started doing in India and hope to do every year (we actually didn’t do them last year because I was too stressed with school to pull it all together).

There are lots of different ways to observe advent. Some people do daily devotions, some do weekly and lighting candles. I like using a schedule of daily Scripture readings that I found on the internet. Rather than devotions, it just lists verses, a theme, and a symbol for each day. In India, I drew and cut out all the symbols by hand. Now, however, I use pictures of all the symbols that I found on the internet and printed off.

For example, yesterday the symbol was a crown and the readings were the anointing of King David and the passage in Isaiah about the Rod of Jesse. I really like this system because it takes you through the entire bible and you see how all of it points to the coming of Christ.

We usually sing a carol together afterwards too. It doesn’t sound too pretty (especially my part) but it is a joyful noise.

The Jesse Tree is something I hope to continue no matter how big or small our family is. I will never be the mom who is really crafty and creative. I will probably never have elaborate decorations or fancy parties. I am lucky if I can get our tree set up, watch one Christmas movie, and bake one batch of cookies before the holiday comes. Honestly, the entire Christmas season can often remind me of my failure as a female.

But my failures run a lot deeper than bad Christmas decorating. That is why we need Advent. We need Christ. And he came. That is what I want my family to celebrate. And we will.

But we’ll probably still bake some cookies .

Below are a few pics we took while walking through a state park near our house last week. I am so mad at myself for not taking any pictures while the leaves were still on the trees, but what can you do? The glories of autumn are fleeting. That makes them all the lovelier.

But this ‘why not?’ mentality goes much deeper than the spontaneous travels of young twenty-somethings. If you ask anyone in my family they will tell you that my willingness, no my desire, to do seemingly unusual things is something that can be a little hard to understand. For the past ten years, my desire has been to live and work in the developing world. I realized that dream went I moved to India at the age of 22, and when I met someone (aka Jared) who shared these dreams I never imagined we would do anything different.

I never questioned this was what God wanted us to do with our lives. Not that He ever told me in an audible voice, but it just made sense. All evidence pointed towards this plan coming to fruition. All the pieces were there. At least they seemed to be.

Recently, our plans have changed. We’re not necessarily closing the door on international work for good, but we’re not going to the particular place or doing the particular jobs we’ve been working towards for the past two years.

I’m sure you’re wondering what happened, but it’s really hard to explain. Also, I’m not certain this is quite the forum to bare all–what I can say is that it’s nothing bad. In fact, I am certain this is the right decision. It is difficult for my heart though. You might think someone like me would handle change better. In some ways I do. I am ok with moving, with starting fresh in new places, with having something different for dinner……but when it comes to my goals…..it’s a whole different story.

This time has been very revealing in so many ways. I feel as though a bright light has been shined on my heart and the good, bad, and ugly is right out there in the open. You may think, what’s the big deal? Plans change all the time. Most of us envisioned doing some things in our lives that we’re not necessarily doing right now.

I know my situation is far from unique, but for some reason this has not been an easy change. I do believe, however, that it is a God-given change and it would be a shame for me not to share some of the things I’ve learned.

First, interrupted plans can easily show us where our treasure lies. If you are a Christian, like me, your treasure should be in heaven. Naturally, that doesn’t mean we can’t have hopes and aspirations for our lives here, but those things will never be ultimately fulfilling. The book of James admonishes believers who casually (or maybe intentionally) discuss their plans without acknowledging the uncertainty of tomorrow. Our certainty comes from forgiveness in Christ alone. Nothing else is permanent or trustworthy. In my case, too much of my identity was wrapped up in my plans. I blazed towards my goal with little regard for how uncertain things really were. I thought if we were committed enough we would get there eventually.

Second, interrupted plans can often reveal a narrow focus of who God is and what He can do. I’ll admit when our plans changed my initial thought was , ‘What was the point of everything we’ve worked for if this isn’t going to happen now?’ I reduced everything into one particular path. But God delights in the seemingly impossible, and I now see that all our efforts were not wasted, but perhaps there is a greater, more comprehensive plan than the one we originally had. I know that will become even more clear as time goes on.

Third, interrupted plans often reveal selfishness in the heart. Rather than enjoy my life here I was tempted to lament over the life I ‘really wanted.’ But the truth is that I do love my life here and am thankful for all that God has done in our lives since we came to Raleigh. I am thankful for my job and all that it has taught me about service too.

Fourth, interrupted plans reveal conflicted emotions. True, some of my desires were selfish and warped, but there were also good, God-given desires in the mix too. I’ve learned that it’s ok to be sad for a little while. Lots of caring and wise people have encouraged me in this. Although God may have ‘another plan,’ and there is plenty I can do ‘right here’ I am still sad to lose this particular dream and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Ok…so that’s what I’ve learned from our recent change of plans. I hope some of those thoughts are helpful to others who may struggle with something similar. It has gotten much easier and it’s exciting to think about other possibilites.

For now though, Raleigh is our home and we love it.

For us, October 2011 has been about the following things: birth, death, work, life decisions, baseball and Germany. Does one of those things seem oddly out of place? Let me start there.

We had a German PhD student named Tobias stay in our home for two weeks. I love having people from other countries visit, and Tobias was especially fun because he was so talkative and energetic. As a great lover of history, I especially enjoyed hearing his thoughts on World War II and his experiences with the Berlin Wall. He is native Berliner and remembers the wall coming down when he was 11. Tobias was later joined by his wife, Steffie, and son, Benjamin. They all stayed at our luxurious and hip city condo for a few days but eventually went somewhere else with a little more space.

You better believe I was all over the World Series like ants on candy this year. It was so exciting! I have to admit it was difficult for me to get through some of the games because I was nervous (and probably too emotionally involved in something that has no direct impact on my life). Still, it was fun and part of me wishes I could’ve been in Missouri during the series because no one here really cared. Thankfully, Jared is a fan and was right there with me. He even made hot dogs and hot chocolate for me during Game 7. I have other college and football teams that I cheer for now, ie. the Panthers (though I still like the Rams) and the Tar Heels, but I will never EVER cheer for another baseball team. Especially not the Braves. Unless they’re playing the Yankees or Red Sox.

Work has been going strong this month. I love being a nurse, but I come home completely exhausted everyday. There is so much to learn! Still, I am very thankful to be working on the floor I am on. My co-workers are great and our floor has one of the highest satisfaction rates in the hospital, for both patients and staff.

It’s crazy how much has changed since I changed careers though. One of my friends came over to borrow some business clothes recently, and as I pulled things out of my closet I remembered my jobs in DC. Conferences, meetings, numbers, phone calls, lots and lots of polished office supplies. My first day of work in DC involved a three way call with Hungary. My first day of work as a nurse involved projectile vomit.

Thankfully, I still get together with two of my best nursing school buddies, Greg and Lisa, so we can encourage one another.

Speakng of work, most people reading this will know I originally went to nursing school because we planned to move back overseas in the near future. Well, this month we officially decided to put those plans on hold indefinitely. There are a thousand reasons for this, good reasons, but it has been hard for me. I probably need to write a separate post about this soon because I have learned many invaluable things. This is the first time in ten years that I’ve envisioned my life not being overseas–not saying it will never happen, just not when and how I thought it would. Of course, I know God changes plans all the time but some changes are harder than others.

BUT….I am learning things and I do have peace about all this. Peace, and dare I say…joy? After all, we are so fortunate to be in Raleigh right now. Raleigh is a great place to live. We have great community and purpose here.

BUT….I am still enduring a mild quarter-life century crisis and am thinking of taking up sewing and ballroom dancing.

Whew…ok, on to other stuff.

Jared turned 30 this month. Again, I can write a whole separate post about this, but I won’t because it will probably be really sappy and embarrass Jared.

Somehow my nice words will embarrass him but this picture won’t.

We didn’t do a big celebration because our recent trip to Scotland was partially for his birthday. I did, however, ask his closest friends and family members to write letters sharing evidences of God’s grace in his life. They were so good and encouraging. There were things I didn’t even know he had done–God has really gifted Jared with service and humility. He is continually doing things for others, and yet he never brags or even talks about it. I am so thankful that Jared is such a steadfast friend in the lives of so many, including me

In the words of Tim McGraw, Lord, have mercy on his next thirty years.

Perhaps the most significant event of this month was the passing of Jared’s dear grandmother, Mally. His grandparents’ names are Harriett and Arnett, but we call them Mally and Gee. Jared took me to meet them shortly after I moved back from India and Mally made me feel welcome right away. I felt like I’d known her for years. We visited them several times in Atlanta over the course of our marriage, usually for weddings and holidays. In fact, we were there last Christmas.

Mally endured a lot of sickness towards the end of her life, but she never complained. She was as sharp as a tack and still had all her bank account numbers memorized. Jared’s cousin got married in September shortly after Mally was put on dialysis, but she still went to the wedding. I think her words were something like, ‘I’ll go if they have to push me in a wheelbarrow.’

I remember sitting with Mally in her living room and talking while everyone else was busy in the kitchen. Like all good Americans, our gatherings revolve around food. She rarely talked about herself and was always very interested in my life and how we were doing. In fact, I think Jared shares that characteristic with her because he is the same way when talking with others.

We were all enouraged by Mally’s faith. Even when things seemed bleak she trusted that she was in the Lord’s hands. We are thankful that she is enjoying Jesus, but we will miss her. I don’t have pictures of Mally on my computer but I will see if I can find one and post it sometime.

I did, however, snap this picture as we were driving into Georgia for the funeral. Jared spoke on behalf of the grandkids and he did a wonderful job. I was so proud of him.

Now to end this blog, Jared asked me to post this picture he took and tell you it’s me in my Halloween costume.

This clearly isn’t me. It’s our friend, Akasio, who is from Micronesia. He is probably one of our closest friends here, and he has a great sense of humor so he doesn’t mind being my Halloween costume

Truthfully, we did not celebrate Halloween (we never really do) but we did have AK over for dinner.

We also ate candy and took scary pictures.

We ended our trip in Glasgow. Glasgow does not quite have the beauty of the rest of the country, but it is an interesting city with a unique history. Our first impression was that it felt much more modern and hipster than anywhere else we’d been. It actually reminded me a lot of a smaller version of London, which I guess makes sense. Glasgow is also the second best city for shopping the UK (after London). Who’d of thought?

We stayed downtown and our hotel had this message waiting for us on the TV screen in our room.

Here’s another tip for you. Do not stay on Bath Street in Glasgow on a weekend. There is incessant partying, honking and screaming all night long. I will never understand the appeal of the bar scene, especially in the early hours of the morning. It seems like a big fat waste of time, sleep and money. Maybe I’m just an old lady? Nevertheless, we had to call the desk at 2 Am and asked to be moved to a different room. I don’t mind noise….I lived next to a Hindu temple for two years….but this was crazy!

Our time in Glasgow was much more laid-back. We walked around, sipped coffee on the street, and even went to see a movie. We did take another double-decker bus tour. Here are some pics from that.

This is the Kelvingrove Art Museum and Gallery, one of the most popular museums in the UK.

George Square

The place where we spent the most time was the Glasgow Cathedral.

This picture was taken from the Necropolis, the graveyard across the street from the cathedral. A memorial to John Knox is in the graveyard. Rather than go into a ton of narrative on Glasgow history, I am going to share a little about John Knox.

(This is kind of dark but it was a rainy, dreary day).

John Knox was the leader of the Scottish Reformation and is considered to be the founder of the Presbyterian denomination. For awhile he was a chaplain in the Tudor dynasty, but left England when Mary Tudor came to the throne and brought back the Catholic faith. He spent time in Geneva where he met John Calvin. Upon his return to Scotland, he sought to lead the Protestant Reformation. He established the Protestant Reformed Church in Scotland, and was often at odds with the ruling Mary, Queen of Scots. He spent a great deal of time in exile, but continued to preach and minister until his death. He was far from perfect, in fact there are quite a few blemishes, such as his avid support of the execution of the queen and the fact that he married a 17 year old when he was 50. Nevertheless, his life is a big part of Scottish history and Protestant history in general.

On that note, our trip comes to an end. We spent our last night in Glasgow at the movies and flew back to North Carolina early the next morning. Scotland far exceeded our expectations. It is the most beautiful country I’ve ever been to and the pictures hardly do it justice. I hope you enjoyed my little blog tour and I hope you get the opportunity to see it with your own eyes one day!

Thanks for reading!

Our drive to Stirling took us down from the highlands . However, it was a wonderful day. Stirling is the home of much of the history shown in the movie Braveheart. If you know me well you will probably remember that Braveheart was my favorite movie for most of my life. It might still be, but since I haven’t seen it in a long time I guess I don’t really know. You don’t have to guess how thrilled I was to be there!

Stirling Castle was also quite impressive.

The castle dates back to the 1100′s! It’s current state, however, is due to restorations. The castle was involved in numerous important affairs, including the Scottish Wars of Independence. When Edward I of England took control of Scotland (the Edward in Braveheart), the castle was abandoned. However, when Sir Andrew Murray and William Wallace defeated the English at the Battle of Stirling Bridge they forced part of their enemy to retreat into the castle where they were starved to death by the Scots. The castle was recaptured by the English the following year after the Battle of Falkirk, but was finally in complete Scottish control when King Robert the Bruce defeated Edward in 1299.

Other relevant history about Stirling Castle is that it was the crowning place of Mary, Queen of Scots, as well as the place of her son, James’, baptism. It was also involved in numerous sieges, including the Jacobite rebellion. If you’re interested, there is plenty of information about the castle online. I don’t have time to share it all here but it is worth reading!

As with all the other castles, the views were stunning.

The obelisk-shaped building is the William Wallace monument.

One cool and unique aspect of the castle was the real-life display of the kitchens. There were ‘fake’ people and food with explanations of daily life in a castle kitchen.

I learned that most of the kitchen workers were men. A woman’s ‘place’ was certainly not the kitchen then!

Here is a statue of Robert the Bruce, the Scottish king who led them to independence after the death of William Wallace.

We headed to the William Wallace monument next. It was at the top of a very long trail, winding up a hill. To say I was out of breath would be an understatement. But it was worth it!

The monument itself had several different levels, which were only accessible via a narrow, winding staircase. I only made it up to the first level because I’m afraid of heights. I know it sounds lame but I get very dizzy and sweaty when I get up too high. Still, it was a cool experience. We got to see the infamous Wallace sword.

Apparently, he would’ve had to been 6’6″ to wield a sword of this size.

Different pictures were posted with the story of William Wallace. There was also a life-sized talking William who told his story. He did not look like Mel Gibson.

(sorry this pic is blurry)

We finished our day in Stirling with a visit to Bannockburn, where the Scots officially defeated Edward I and won their independence. To reference Braveheart again, the battle is the very last scene of the movie where Robert the Bruce leads the army (after William Wallace is killed)

This concludes our time in Stirling! Next up, Glasgow!

I was eighteen, a few weeks into my freshman year at Oklahoma Baptist University in Shawnee, Oklahoma. I did not turn on the TV that morning because my roommate was still in bed, but I took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast and headed to my morning class. As soon as I walked through the door I could tell something was wrong. Everyone was silent. As I sat down the girl next to me asked if I ‘heard what happened.’

I don’t remember feeling anything when she told me. It didn’t seem real. At that time my mind didn’t have a category for terrorism. I don’t think I had ever thought about it before. My English professor led our class in a prayer. When I returned to my dorm people were gathered in the lobby watching the coverage. That was my first glimpse–I was shocked and horrified. Classes were not cancelled, and I had a math test, so I studied with my friends in the lobby while we continued to watch the news. Later that night we held a special chapel on campus to pray for our country. One girl had a brother who worked at the Pentagon and it was a long time before she heard from him.

I don’t think I knew how much that day would change things. It took a long time for me to process what actually happened. As details unfolded, the story painted a picture that covered the entire spectrum of human emotion and experience. Tragedy, heroism, unity, fear, suffering, courage, etc.

A lot has happened in ten years. 9/11 continues to touch my life in ways I never imagined. I remember sitting in a ski lodge in New Mexico with my college buddies watching the announcement of an invasion and war. I know people who have gone and served, many have come back only to be deployed again. I lived in Washington DC for two years and heard personal testimonies of that day. I have been in countries close to the heart of the war. I have visited Ground Zero.

Today I am thankful that 9/11 continues to be a part of my experience. It reminds me that God has given me a good gift in living in a country where people risk their lives to save and protect others. I have been enough places to know this is not true everywhere. It also reminds me that life is precious and fleeting and we must live for the things that truly matter.

I hope to share my personal story of 9/11 with my children and grandchildren, much the way my grandparents shared their memories of WWII with me. Granted, it is not as poignant as some stories, but I believe it will honor those who are no longer here to carry that day with us and make sure no one ever forgets.

Below is a picture I took from Ground Zero in 2004.

We stayed at a lovely B&B.

I love staying at B&B’s because of all the interesting people you meet. We met couples from Switzerland and France. Europeans get tons of paid holiday leave–they thought it was crazy we were only in Scotland for 10 days. We were like, that’s kind of long for an American vacation. They were shocked!

It rained most of our time in Skye. I was a little disappointed but Jared thought it added to the highlands experience. As the day went on I realized he was right. It was so fun to trek slowly through the mist and gaze at the glistening, emerald landscapes.

I thought this sign was funny

My feet got completely soaked after this hike. Tip: if you ever go to Scotland, bring waterproof shoes!

We spent some time just driving around so my socks could dry. Most of the roads were narrow, one-lane roads that curved through the mountains. Thankfully, they were not nearly as scary as the Himalayan roads in India!

We saw some amazing views

Finally, we ended the day at the ruins of Dunscaith Castle. The castle belonged to Clan MacDonald for a long time. It was captured by the MacCleods, but then returned to the MacDonalds who abandoned it in the 17th century. This was a fun castle to visit because it was not very touristy and we were the only ones there. It also sat on the edge of a cliff which provided some beautiful views.

There was a giant hole where a drawbridge used to be. Jared climbed to the other side but I didn’t because I thought it was a very, very bad idea.

It was a fantastic day. We departed from Skye early the next morning and drove to Stirling, which is the home of much of the William Wallace history. I’ll write about Stirling next!

It’s such a weird (and wonderful) feeling being a hospital employee. I love getting up in the morning and heading off to work. I love working! It’s exciting to hear about all the perks of being employed again. Beyond the obvious of being paid, I’m excited to have my own benefits, save for retirement and enjoy all the discounts awarded to my organization. For example, I got a huge discount on a membership at the hospital wellness center and joined today! I’ve never joined a gym before so we’ll see how it goes.

I am also excited to work at one of the most highly regarded hospitals in the area. Not to mention that it is in Raleigh. Seeing as I live in Raleigh, I am happy to serve the members of my own community rather than driving out of town to go to work.

So, yeah, we’ll see how I feel once I start dealing with the stress of being a nurse (especially a new grad), but for now I couldn’t be happier with my employment situation.

That doesn’t mean life is easy though. While I’ve been blogging about our trip to Scotland for the past month (and I WILL finish it), there have been numerous circumstances that have challenged me. Things that I really cannot control. Things that have caused Jared and me to think and process and make difficult decisions.

The point in writing this is not to share details. Maybe I will do that at some point but not right now. The point is rather to say that I’ve learned much about myself this summer. Some good things and some not so good things. And while it is hard, I am happy to say that I do have peace about our lives and our future at the moment. At heart I am not a peaceful person. I am a fighter–I like to kick and crawl and burn the door down to get what I want. I am not one who likes to give up or change directions. When life throws me a lemon I throw it right back (after I squash it with a steel toed boot). The words ‘go with the flow’ don’t apply to anyone less than they do to me.

But I am learning what it means to be a peaceful person. It doesn’t mean just getting along with everyone. I do that just fine. It doesn’t mean just being ‘okay’ and mellow…no it means being joyful when my path changes because there is a better one. It means resting secure because God is actively working for my good. It means redirecting all my ambition towards submitting to the one who sees everything and knows everything. My knowledge is so small. My strength so weak. My life so finite. Why would I ever want to entrust myself to something so limited?

I am not a peaceful person by nature. None of us are. Thankfully, God can give peace and grace does show me a better way.

On that note, I’ve got to go. I hope all of you seek peace this week. I will be back soon with the rest of Scotland for your viewing pleasure.